My Name is Sandi and I have a Land Line

ItIM000839.JPG is shameful, but I am seeking help. Although I have a smart phone, I want to keep my land line until I die, here’s why:

  • I’m blind as a bat: I have the biggest, brightest smart phone screen that was available 3 years ago when I bought it, but I still have to hold it at arms length in order to see anything. That makes it really hard to dial.

My land line has lighted buttons.

  • I’m losing my memory: Not on the smart phone, but I can never remember to take it with me. If I do remember, then I put it down somewhere and can’t remember where I put it. Then I have to use my land line to dial my cell so that I can find it anyway. Then I have to remember to charge the phone. No can do.

I can follow the cord and find my land line.

  • I’m getting senile: I figured out how to download a ringtone onto my smartphone. It plays Reasons by Earth Wind and Fire. When someone calls, I forget that it’s the phone and start dancing. Very embarrassing.

My land line rings (like a phone). I answer it (like Pavlov’s dog salivating.)

I know, I know that I need help, but I just can’t do it alone.

Artwork by Saundra Johnson. Visit Rodeo Market Gallery to purchase.

45 Records

45-records-1 For those of you who may need a bit of a review, a “record” is like a big vinyl CD and was how really old school people used to listen to music. (a CD is how old school people listen to music)

Back in the day, old school people heard a song on the radio, then went to the record store and bought the record (see previous paragraph). A 45 had 2 songs – the A side (which was the song you really wanted) and the B side (which became popular simply because it was on the flip side of the hit song.) If I remember correctly, 45s cost about 75 cents. Continue reading

When TV was Free

old tvEveryone watched. Even though there were only 3 choices and maybe PBS and a UHF channel or two, there seemed to be more to watch, or maybe it’s just me.

Remember UHF and carefully turning the dial until the picture came in clearly – then you never touched that dial again or else you might lose the channel. Of course you could always move that funny half-round antenna and hope for the best. After all of that work you, still ended up with bad re-runs. Continue reading

R.I.P. VCR

Say it ain’t so. The largest VCR manufacturer in the world announced that it will cease production at the end of this month. OK, I am probably the last person in America who still owns a VCR, but I can’t seem to find the time to convert my “Fraggle Rock” collection to DVD. Oh–yes, I still own several DVD players as well.

You are reading OLD SCHOOL Lane, what did you expect?

I really thought I had arrived when I bought my first VCR. It cost over $500 and I was proud that I did my research and decided that VHS was better than Beta. My VCR was my personal declaration of independence from the networks. I could tape Phil Donahue and watch him at midnight if I wished.

I had power in the form of a remote control. I no longer had to listen to “plop, plop, fizz, fizz” unless I wanted to (it was a catchy tune.) I had a fast forward button.

I haven’t been this distraught since AOL stopped sending me 10 floppy discs a month….