Next Time Kid’s Meal

Killer Meal

Killer Meal

I stopped at a fast food restaurant the other day and ordered one of those low-priced combo meals for $5.

Back in the day, a $5 meal would hold you over until you could get home for a real dinner. We are no longer back in the day.

The menu was innocent enough, a cheeseburger, small fries and a small drink, just enough to hold me over for dinner in a few hours. All for about $5.

When my order was ready, the teenager handed me a bag large enough to hold a week’s worth of groceries. Continue reading

Prize Fighting

IM000744.JPGI never got cereal prizes because I had a great mother and 3 siblings.

My mother was concerned about our nutrition, so she never bought pre-sweetened cereal – the good stuff with the prize. Instead we were treated to Shredded Wheat and Special K – they never had prizes. Plus – having 3 siblings, there would be no way we would share the prizes without a fair degree of bloodshed. Continue reading

Walk-ins Welcome

Warm Friend on a Cold Day is available as duvet cover, pillow, prints and more on Fine Art America.IM000777.JPG

My only grandchild lives 1500 miles away. He is six years old. My husband and I went to visit him last month – this is how it went:

ME: May I speak to Andre?

PERSON ON THE OTHER END: Is he expecting your call?

ME: No.

PERSON ON THE OTHER END: Whom shall I say is calling?

ME: Grandma. Continue reading

Magic at the Service Station

IM000847.JPGMy parents were magicians when they drove into a service station back in the day.

Bells would ring to announce their arrival and a service station attendant dressed in a jumpsuit would appear to grant their every wish.

Their first magic command was “Fill ‘er up with unleaded.” Unleaded, being a code word for “we can afford a newer car and therefore have successfully kept up with the Jones.” Immediately our attendant (Ernie) would insert a nozzle into the gas tank and begin to clean the windshield. (My windshield only gets cleaned now if it rains.) Continue reading

My Name is Sandi and I have a Land Line

ItIM000839.JPG is shameful, but I am seeking help. Although I have a smart phone, I want to keep my land line until I die, here’s why:

  • I’m blind as a bat: I have the biggest, brightest smart phone screen that was available 3 years ago when I bought it, but I still have to hold it at arms length in order to see anything. That makes it really hard to dial.

My land line has lighted buttons.

  • I’m losing my memory: Not on the smart phone, but I can never remember to take it with me. If I do remember, then I put it down somewhere and can’t remember where I put it. Then I have to use my land line to dial my cell so that I can find it anyway. Then I have to remember to charge the phone. No can do.

I can follow the cord and find my land line.

  • I’m getting senile: I figured out how to download a ringtone onto my smartphone. It plays Reasons by Earth Wind and Fire. When someone calls, I forget that it’s the phone and start dancing. Very embarrassing.

My land line rings (like a phone). I answer it (like Pavlov’s dog salivating.)

I know, I know that I need help, but I just can’t do it alone.

Artwork by Saundra Johnson. Visit Rodeo Market Gallery to purchase.

45 Records

45-records-1 For those of you who may need a bit of a review, a “record” is like a big vinyl CD and was how really old school people used to listen to music. (a CD is how old school people listen to music)

Back in the day, old school people heard a song on the radio, then went to the record store and bought the record (see previous paragraph). A 45 had 2 songs – the A side (which was the song you really wanted) and the B side (which became popular simply because it was on the flip side of the hit song.) If I remember correctly, 45s cost about 75 cents. Continue reading